Lies! Liar!

Now approaching the end of my second month and I admit Japan thus far has been… disappointing. Where’s the cultural smorgasbord I was promised? The geishas writing haikus under cherry blossoms, pouring sake for deer under the guidance of a Shinto priest? Where’s the futuristic city of mechanically enhanced police officers with existential crises and solve crime in outer space (with sexy results)? Where is Bill Murray???

How will I return to Australia with exotic tales from the oriental when you’re acting just like me? Come on Japan, you’ve got a horrific racial stereotype to live up to.

I’ve never been, but as far as I’m aware, France is exactly as Pepe-le-peau would have me believe. Frenchman, fornicating with pastries in baguette huts, strolling the streets of ‘Pa-ree’  wearing only a blue and white striped shirt. Naked from the waist down to emphasis their nudity. Bathing in beure-blanc and red wine, smoking poodles through a filter… or so is my understanding.

Lift up your game Japan.

Tokyo was supposed to be like the future. It’s not the future; it’s a slightly more expensive present. It’s like being trapped in a neon labyrinth where the goblins are all well dressed and Japanese David Bowies try and lure you into a host club.

I have been to some beautiful places, but like most beautiful things they’ve been subverted by the evil hand of the tourism industry. Miyajima for example, world heritage listed shrine and possible  Shinto Disneyland. Couldn’t hear the birds for the frantic opening and closing of camera shutters. The majesty of a deer nibbling moss off a shrine in the hills was detracted somewhat by the obese German tourist eating an ice-cream shaped like hello kitty and walking a beagle in a jacket.

Dammit Japan! Why the lies? Why the treachery? Note to self: never trust again!

On the plus side, I’ve never eaten so much pocky…

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4 Responses to “Lies! Liar!”


  1. 1 Jake November 13, 2008 at 10:56 pm

    If it makes you feel any better your post brought a smile to this tiny dimly lit cubicle corner. missing you!

  2. 2 katie November 25, 2008 at 9:46 pm

    the french never scoop their doggies’ poop.

  3. 3 Kyerahn #1 December 21, 2008 at 5:43 pm

    I can’t believe you, yes you THAO, are yet to make note of the superficiality of Japanese culture.

    Where’s the social commentary I’ve grown to love???


  1. 1 Nominated and Meta-posts « Whotheshitisthaozissou’s Weblog Trackback on April 19, 2010 at 6:15 am

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